Help me if you can I’m feeling down…

Please ignore previous post: Back to winning ways - Toshi's Back (In disguise)

The bad run that I said is all behind me is back to haunt me big style. Its never gone really just hung around waited for me to re-load my account, build up my stack and then dish it out to everyone again as well as pay my rake to the real winners THE HOUSE… I’m not bitter here by the way lol…

I feel today as if poker has done me no favours at all and I have eventually come to the conclusion that I have wasted my fecking time even allowing it into my life. Wasted hours/days/weeks sat looking at a screen while life passes me by, I really am missing something here, it doesn’t feel good to be a poker player anymore (not one bit).

My new account was blessed with a 5k deposit that dwindled to 2k and then eventually through solid/sometimes a little crazy play I get it up to 9.5k and my game starts to come out of the woodwork again, omg I can play (famous last words). I have to take a rain check here especially after losing yet again and here it starts! - When I look back at this blog through to November 2005 I am experiencing a bad run of luck that will not let go of its grip on me. All the measures have been taken, alcohol cessation, timing of moves, game selection etc. Pah

I played 400+ hands today and never once hit a set, straight, full house or flush. I had some premium hands beatch slapped again by sets but I played tight poker and observed other players hitting set after set, the full kit caboodle. I called 4 x BB raises with my little pocket pairs that never produced anything, however, my premiums were busted nearly every time by sets and to be honest an absolute nightmare at the minute so painful to sit being dealt this shit day in day out [Sigh].

It’s cost me 6k today for the pleasure of now sitting down and putting into words just how happy I am (repeat) [Sigh]. However, to get one thing straight; in my time I have lost a lot more than 6k in the space of a few seconds in business so the swings in cash P&L are not my major concern. My concern is how online poker seems to be destroying my leisurely lifestyle. I sit for hours monging out on my pc, no exercise just coffee and being ignorant to the world around me. All the while I concentrate on re-raising a flop of Kc 6h 2h with my Ac Kh because I think the other player is possibly flushing or more likely has A weak (knowing the player). He called my preflop raise of £80 and threw in a bet of £120 on the flop, I re-raise it to £240 and he moves all-in for 3k mmm.

To be honest from this particular player I expect this type of re-raise and it doesn’t take much for me to call. I am happy but sad to see he has Ah 7h in his hand and the turn draws a blank to my surprise, I thought it would all end there to be honest. Then with a little pause which the crypto logic software does sometimes (making people like me with paranoid schizophrenic mindset) think its looking at what hand to deal the other player for maximum TILT effect. Yes the river is a 4h to make the player his nut flush and leave me with £125 on the £10/20 table. I leave here losing 6k for the day and commend myself for having the discipline not to give that £125 away as a booby prize for anyone who wants it...

I get a couple of players saying V U L etc. I think no not really, not that particular hand ‘coin flip’ in most players’ minds he's a 4/1 favourite in mine, and moreover, he takes his chance and he makes his hand. No, my mind is travelling back further than this; my mind is asking questions my mind needs answers because this is becoming a drain on me rather than a pleasure.

I admire the aggression of some players online they are fearless and they play the game and the people with consistent results. NightmarE_ and Dpommo spring to mind as players who do not rock up on the tables but get on there and play and do some damage in the process. I model myself on players who I believe are the best and try and emulate their styles. The problem here is I cant get away with these players styles at the minute till my confidence in the cards is back and I feel a kind of normality and even distribution… Feel like I’m heading towards the RIG theory here but i'm fighting it…

My thought of late is in the theory of implicit collusion on the higher stakes tables in online poker. Implicit collusion is the unspoken and legal way of collusion and I’m not targeting or being vindictive of anyone here, just a theory. Simple E.G. taking a small stacked player out of a tourney by 2 or more players calling his all-in raise then checking it down between them to get him out and move further up in the payout structure. I reckon that some of the players who frequent the high stakes cash tables reveal their hands when up against other regular Rock style players to avoid confrontation with a view to ‘you scratch my back and we’ll take out the fish between us mentality’. (In reveal I mean by recognised betting not via MSN BTW) As I said I’m not saying this is wrong (it’s actually very clever) just an observation of players keeping pots small with say pairs but cranking them up when they have two pair or more on the board and targeting the fish that constantly keep going back for more punishment. Glug Glug Glug.

I’m up the creek without a paddle at the minute and would appreciate anyone’s input that has been through a long run of bad cards and their thoughts on the length of time they have had to endure them. It is definitely a mental character test but I need to start taking time out of poker as I think it is starting to dominate my life to an extent; and that is scary…

Back to winning ways - Toshi's Back (In disguise)

It has been a strange end to a relatively good year and this year started off same as the last one ended ‘very bad’ for me in so much as being card dead, and yet again confused as to whether this game really is worth spending so much time doing…

So here is just a quick update make sure I get at least a few bits of information down from memory before it all goes Pete Tong. My hard disk crashed last week on my new PC and I have lost my entire poker tracker, 2006 Spreadsheet stats etc. etc. At the minute I am relying on my laptop to get me online and have in the process sorted my disconnection problems which were guilty of sending me on tilt on a few occasions alongside the gremlins in the system that keep dealing me long streaks of abysmal cards.

I have had AA cracked more times than I can remember and draws are an impossible dream, in my opinion of late a 5/1 shot for me is 200/1 and a 50/50 is more like a 80/20 in my opponents favour. Cant post any more hands that show how passive my play had become but the ‘Variance monster’ continued to scratch his head while everyone around him made money online… There have been a few players saying the odds on Betfair just aren’t right, and a lot believe this to be correct. My view on this subject is that I haven’t played for long enough to recognise this kind of information, I believe I have experienced my first major bad run which the poker veterans speak of as part of poker life, so therefore can’t blame the RIG…

Right before I go any further that’s the negative out of the way and now for the positive…

Toshiwonka at the minute is concentrating on the MTT and STT side of the poker world and I have incorporated; thanks to ‘Smart Money’ a Betfair forumite a P & L strategy to monitor my progress for 2006 and assist me in achieving my goals, sooner hopefully rather than later. I have recognised a few flaws in my MTT tourney play and just need to adjust strategy to assist in this area.

STT play shows me in profit at whatever level I play which is anything from £60 six-pacs to £500 Six-pacs and I enjoy the ability to be able to make moves and play some real poker with some of the better players on the site. I think some Very good players exist on the higher stake six-pacs but play scared because they are playing out of their comfort zone. The opposite end of the spectrum some players just have money to burn and just kamikaze it away on the bigger tables much to delight of the more solid online players who take advantage of both these situations with very profitable results.

10 Seated STT’s no longer exist as a game for me to play I find them too boring and at the later stages are just a crapshoot for the 3 positions at the end. I don’t skip them altogether as you will find me regular on the £1 --- 10 seated STT’s going all in every other hand and generally testing tilt inducing strategies on possibly the most tilt susceptible players on the site. A lot are trying to play by the book and learn the game as it should be played so when log on and start spoiling their fun they don’t take it very lightly... UL GG WP….

My New Year Account is open and I’m playing some of the best poker I think I have ever played. Toshiwonka is on the cash tables but under a new name and it’s a good buzz to be actually winning again after so long a bad run. Yes I said WINNING again, its true my draws are hitting, my AK is flopping A’s and K’s and my middle pairs are flopping sets an acceptable amount of times. My new problem is getting the most equity possible for my hands at the minute which is good or even great (dare I say). I have tilted a little with one of my problems needing to be accepting of the fact that weak players also get good hands every now and then, and don’t always have A rag in their hands. Discipline wise other than that I’m happy, I pick times to play and I concentrate more on my opponent’s style of the moment which is helping heaps. If I don’t like a table or the mix of players on it I leave. I also recognise when I’m out of my depth when it fills up with sharks and a once loose table is now rock tight, you know where only monster V monster will ensure a payout for the lucky player to get the best of it.

Moreover, I play sober poker and I haven’t looked back since my last drop of beer in November 2005 I’ve never felt better or sharper for a very long time. I always feel like I might sound like a recovering alcoholic when I mention the booze LOL, I don’t know but to think like that could mean I was one or at least on the verge of being one! My problem with the drink is like most other things in my life I’m either ALL or Nothing, if I have a pint I it has to be 8pints etc… Anyway there’s the clue to my new screename, Toshiwonka is still alive but my friends have given me a new name and I have incorporated it into my online existence. Good luck at the tables…

?????????
TOSHIWONKA

P.S I have just bought a yearling racehorse with a good friend of mine, he’s training at the minute with Dandy Nicholls and looking good. Mid February we should know if he is any good so fingers crossed. Anyone who follows the racing shouldn’t miss him when he runs his name is TOSHIWONKA. Hope soon to be writing my winners speech rather than my blog, or both would be a brucie…

Aims and targets for 2006

BETFAIR 15K GTD (PRACTICE) - - - Is my 1st goal, PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE. I always mess it up at the business end but am learning. I have hit the final table on a few occasions but always seem to be card dead and probably too passive cos im on unfamiliar ground...

WIN AT LEAST 1 SEAT TO ANY MAJOR EVENT - - - I have a licence to travel and play in these tourneys and this year I will be entering more local festivals for experience but I would like to win a WPT/EPT seat And 1 somewhere HOT :) . My closest shave was 9th in Carribean Poker Classic qualifier sending the top 6 away on an all expenses paid seat included trip to the bahamas, that was gutting...

FINAL TABLE AT A RECOGNISED LIVE EVENT - - - 1st Festival I entered was a £750 Double Chance Freezeout at Napoleons in Sheffield, with over 80 runners I came 13th and realised they were not all robots with calculators built in their heads...

BETFAIR SUNDAY 40K GTD - - - Would prove to myself I can get past the business end and give my confidence a boost. One win would be sufficient here two would be a nice brucy bonus.

INCREASE CASH TABLE PROFITS - - - Fold when i know i'm behind no matter how much i invested trying to stop them chasing their draw ! ! ! I think a reasonable target to acheive whilst it not dominating my life is £50,000 any more is welcome...

STICK TO MY DAY JOB - - - poker is fun i want to keep it that way, but it has taught me a lot and I enjoy the role of permanent student because poker is the game of life...