Sunday, January 22, 2006

Help me if you can I’m feeling down…

Please ignore previous post: Back to winning ways - Toshi's Back (In disguise)

The bad run that I said is all behind me is back to haunt me big style. Its never gone really just hung around waited for me to re-load my account, build up my stack and then dish it out to everyone again as well as pay my rake to the real winners THE HOUSE… I’m not bitter here by the way lol…

I feel today as if poker has done me no favours at all and I have eventually come to the conclusion that I have wasted my fecking time even allowing it into my life. Wasted hours/days/weeks sat looking at a screen while life passes me by, I really am missing something here, it doesn’t feel good to be a poker player anymore (not one bit).

My new account was blessed with a 5k deposit that dwindled to 2k and then eventually through solid/sometimes a little crazy play I get it up to 9.5k and my game starts to come out of the woodwork again, omg I can play (famous last words). I have to take a rain check here especially after losing yet again and here it starts! - When I look back at this blog through to November 2005 I am experiencing a bad run of luck that will not let go of its grip on me. All the measures have been taken, alcohol cessation, timing of moves, game selection etc. Pah

I played 400+ hands today and never once hit a set, straight, full house or flush. I had some premium hands beatch slapped again by sets but I played tight poker and observed other players hitting set after set, the full kit caboodle. I called 4 x BB raises with my little pocket pairs that never produced anything, however, my premiums were busted nearly every time by sets and to be honest an absolute nightmare at the minute so painful to sit being dealt this shit day in day out [Sigh].

It’s cost me 6k today for the pleasure of now sitting down and putting into words just how happy I am (repeat) [Sigh]. However, to get one thing straight; in my time I have lost a lot more than 6k in the space of a few seconds in business so the swings in cash P&L are not my major concern. My concern is how online poker seems to be destroying my leisurely lifestyle. I sit for hours monging out on my pc, no exercise just coffee and being ignorant to the world around me. All the while I concentrate on re-raising a flop of Kc 6h 2h with my Ac Kh because I think the other player is possibly flushing or more likely has A weak (knowing the player). He called my preflop raise of £80 and threw in a bet of £120 on the flop, I re-raise it to £240 and he moves all-in for 3k mmm.

To be honest from this particular player I expect this type of re-raise and it doesn’t take much for me to call. I am happy but sad to see he has Ah 7h in his hand and the turn draws a blank to my surprise, I thought it would all end there to be honest. Then with a little pause which the crypto logic software does sometimes (making people like me with paranoid schizophrenic mindset) think its looking at what hand to deal the other player for maximum TILT effect. Yes the river is a 4h to make the player his nut flush and leave me with £125 on the £10/20 table. I leave here losing 6k for the day and commend myself for having the discipline not to give that £125 away as a booby prize for anyone who wants it...

I get a couple of players saying V U L etc. I think no not really, not that particular hand ‘coin flip’ in most players’ minds he's a 4/1 favourite in mine, and moreover, he takes his chance and he makes his hand. No, my mind is travelling back further than this; my mind is asking questions my mind needs answers because this is becoming a drain on me rather than a pleasure.

I admire the aggression of some players online they are fearless and they play the game and the people with consistent results. NightmarE_ and Dpommo spring to mind as players who do not rock up on the tables but get on there and play and do some damage in the process. I model myself on players who I believe are the best and try and emulate their styles. The problem here is I cant get away with these players styles at the minute till my confidence in the cards is back and I feel a kind of normality and even distribution… Feel like I’m heading towards the RIG theory here but i'm fighting it…

My thought of late is in the theory of implicit collusion on the higher stakes tables in online poker. Implicit collusion is the unspoken and legal way of collusion and I’m not targeting or being vindictive of anyone here, just a theory. Simple E.G. taking a small stacked player out of a tourney by 2 or more players calling his all-in raise then checking it down between them to get him out and move further up in the payout structure. I reckon that some of the players who frequent the high stakes cash tables reveal their hands when up against other regular Rock style players to avoid confrontation with a view to ‘you scratch my back and we’ll take out the fish between us mentality’. (In reveal I mean by recognised betting not via MSN BTW) As I said I’m not saying this is wrong (it’s actually very clever) just an observation of players keeping pots small with say pairs but cranking them up when they have two pair or more on the board and targeting the fish that constantly keep going back for more punishment. Glug Glug Glug.

I’m up the creek without a paddle at the minute and would appreciate anyone’s input that has been through a long run of bad cards and their thoughts on the length of time they have had to endure them. It is definitely a mental character test but I need to start taking time out of poker as I think it is starting to dominate my life to an extent; and that is scary…

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Toshiwonka,
I discovered your blog the same time as i discovered dpommos blog when he cashed in the tournament in Dublin and ive followed it since because its a great read and of an honest warts and all account of the struggle that is poker.
You have elluded to the fact that poker is starting to dominate your life in several of your posts now. Its like there is always a tug of war type struggle going on with your concience. I think you know what you have to do and thats give up playing cash games.Poker will never let anyone get too far ahead. This has nothing to do with your ability as a player but all to do with your BR management controlled by 'the gambler' in you. I believe you should turn into a casual player playing 6pacs and some mtt's about 3 or 4 times a week for no more than 2 or 3 hours on the days you play but definately no more cash games.
Whats hapenned to your marshal arts activities you mentioned before?. It seems your at your happiest when your describing things that happen outside of poker. So why not channel more of your energies in these activities and move away from poker a little bit more.You will still have poker in your life but small doses mean you will enjoy it more in the long run. Also you wont wake up one day and realise your 50 and havent really done much in your life.
These are just my thoughts and i hope you might at least take some of these ideas on board.

Cheers
Aidan

11:48 pm  
Blogger PillowTalkPoker said...

Keep plugging away tosh it will turn in the end.......

Eoinak

1:44 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

put 100,000 into your account and force every plyer all in everytime regargless show them know fear,show em who,s fuckin boss..........................................familiararity can lead to collusion,without verbal contact,...COLLUSION...your probably on to something here..............wherever there,s big money,there is always,ALWAYS,CORRUPTION,FRAUD.there are some very clever..VERY CLEVER,.people in this cybernetic world..and we dont even get to see there little fat ugly mushes......there IS SOMETHING not level.......you have set me thinking....gl tosh

4:42 pm  
Blogger MrDigital said...

Cheers for the comments guys, the last one must be you Blarney...

Aidan, thanks for taking the time to offer advice it is appreciated as is anyones and i agree with some of your points 100%.. Changes required with immediate effect.

The main thing for me is time out as my luck is sick at the minute...

Watch this space:)

7:18 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

toshmeister - why still play £10/20? There are easier pickings to be had at lower levels no? Its also easier to shrug off losing on an outdraw or a coinflip if its only 500 or 1000 that your sticking in the pot. You can't play optimally if you are playing with fear. i know that i'm not yet comfortable playing my usual game at £10/20 (which is probably due to losing a £4.5k pot to a 2 outer on my 1st visit, grrr!) and have only dipped my toes in occasionally when the games particularly juicy.

I wouldn't be surprised if there was at least some collusion in the games. At the very least, regular players know who each other are and are maybe likely to contest smaller pots and target the (say) 2 fish at the table. At worst, msn could be in play, but think this would only be of use in a few situations.

also i agree totally with some of the -ve aspects of poker you mentioned. I've put on weight, let my other interests suffer and pissed off my girlfriend no end!

Anyways tosh, take a break, drop down a little, play for fun, analyse your big hands (from a play, not results perspective) and be thankful for a hobby u can make some wedge at.

bampot

4:36 pm  
Blogger MrDigital said...

Cheers Bampot welcomed advice...

9:54 pm  
Blogger PillowTalkPoker said...

Playing high stakes online for a couple of years now and I have to say I have never colluded or soft played at all despite being freindly with many of the regular players. Also I have only twice in all that time suspected I was being cheated by other players both times I reported it and both times the players I suspected were not regulars. Poker players at this level in the main are far too competetive to cheat as we all believe we are Ivey!!

Tosh are you going to Deauville?

1:10 am  
Blogger Redcar said...

I feel your pain, Tosh, but I also know you're good enough to come through it and emerge as a better player because if it.
Iwouldn't dream of giving you any advice on poker playing, but maybe some of the reples above make sense if the lucks not with you.
Im also sure the type of 'implicit collusion' you mention does go on , and not just on high stakes games.
Keep plugging away mate and the best of luck

2:50 pm  
Blogger PillowTalkPoker said...

you still playing tosh or are you taking a break?

Im taking rest of febuary off cos im playing like a plank.

1:29 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mmmm....
Nice piece that struck a deep chord.
Oh dear are we all victims?
It's a zero sum game with a rake. Someone has to lose. Are the losers all stupid? Are they just getting what's coming to them? as us knowledgable players who have read the books await our just rewards?
More questions than answers but thanks for the article.

11:14 pm  

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